29 Weeks and Some Real Talk

I'm about a week late on this one, but we're officially into the third trimester! I am definitely feeling pregnant these days. My lower back is sore by the end of the night, and I've developed restless legs in the evenings. I've never experienced that before, and it makes it so challenging to fall asleep! The Braxton Hicks are far more noticeable, and baby girl's movements are loud and proud! She's head down and seems to prefer to have her bum on the right side of my belly. I still cannot get enough of feeling her move. In the evenings, I just lift my shirt up, put my hands on my belly, and lay on the couch as my partner and I catch up. It's so incredible to me that there's a HUMAN in my body.

This pregnancy has been so redemptive on so many levels for me. Between an abortion in high school and being physically checked out of my body for much of my pregnancy with my son, I am really loving BEING in my body this time around. Sure, I'm more aware of some of the minor aches and pains, but I'm also more present with the movement, the growth, and the wonder. I would be lying if I said I don't occasionally think about fast forwarding to the end and the "hand off", but overall, I am very aware of the miracle that is happening every day inside me. It's been incredibly healing on a deep level in ways I didn't even know needed healing. That being said, my goal is to carry this mindfulness and presence into the birth- something I definitely didn't do last time. While I achieved an unmedicated rather quick (6 hours) birth in 2010, I certainly wasn't IN my body for the process. I'm a bit concerned that staying present will mean more awareness of the pain and intensity as well, but I feel there is so much more additional healing that will come from that. I know I'll be surrounded by a phenomenal support team (my partner, the IPs, my chiropractor/close friend), and I trust that we will all be able to hold the space together. I've already talked with the IM about helping me stay grounded and present during the labor. While slightly anxious, I'm also incredibly excited to truly experience labor and birth, especially within this context of surrogacy. You better believe I'll be posting a (more than likely) lengthy and raw birth story when the time comes.

29 weeks