Viability

Baby girl is officially viable at 24 weeks! Granted, we still don't want her to be born for another 12-16 weeks, but she is viable. I've been doubting my body a bit after my 31 week preterm labor scare with my son. I notice every twinge and cramp. I've been told by high-risk perinatologists that I am at no additional risk for another preterm scare, as my son wound up coming on his due date. That being said, it's hard not to second-guess my body. I feel like I turned a corner this weekend, though, and have finally begun trusting that my body knows what the f it's doing with this whole pregnancy thing. ;)

Baby Girl M (IPs are still not sure about a name) is doing well. She is generally not incredibly active during the day, just little movements here and there to let me know she's ok. I feel her the most while commuting to and from work, when I'm putting the kids to bed, and when we're just relaxing on the couch. I'm still getting weekly chiropractic adjustments to ensure my pelvis is in good shape and to avoid another OP baby (baby born face up instead of down).

The first 20 weeks of this pregnancy absolutely flew by, but things are starting to slow down now. There's a lot going on in my life unrelated to this pregnancy, and it feels like there are just so many balls in the air! I'm trying to enjoy each moment, though, knowing that this is my last pregnancy.

My partner asked if I was upset that she wasn't interested in attending appointments/feeling the baby move. I'm sincerely not. I understand that this is not our child. I just find myself so fascinated with it all because I am literally growing a human. Pregnancy and childbirth have always been such miracles to me. Every time I have my hands on my belly, and I feel her move, it takes my breath away. The fact that there is an actual human in there just blows my mind. And I can say that feeling completely detached to her emotionally. It's no joke that surrogacy just feels different from the get-go. There's this understanding that this baby is not yours from the very start. Every time I feel her or think of the pregnancy, I see her mom. I'm not worried about going home without her at the birth, because I don't see it as giving her up, as she was never mine! I'm merely giving her back.

Officially 20 Weeks

Half Baked at 20 Weeks

This weekend marked 20 weeks! It also marked the first time I met the Intended Parents' extended family and friends. We attended their son's fifth birthday party on Sunday. I met the IM's mom, the IP's parents and brothers, nephews, and neighbors. It was actually a bit overwhelming, and the first time I felt awkward during this process. It was great to put faces to names, but the attention was a little uncomfortable. Plus, I felt like my little family was on display all day. That being said, they were all wonderful, and certainly didn't make me feel judged. Quite the opposite. Everyone was gushing about how wonderful of a blessing this is and expressing their gratitude. It was just an interesting place to be in and new energy to hold.

Me and the Intended Mom

Whoa! We're halfway there!

I can't believe that tomorrow I'll be 20 weeks and almost halfway through this journey. On one hand, the time is going so much faster than it did when I was pregnant with my son. On the other hand, when I think about the fact that the transfer was in September, that feels like AGES ago. But here we are!

Two weeks ago, the IPs wanted to get a 3D ultrasound done. It was pretty crazy. I'd never seen one first hand. I brought my son, and they brought their son, and the boys were surprisingly into the whole thing. My son was incredibly sad when I told him yesterday that I was going for the 20 week ultrasound without him.

Everything looks good with baby girl, which is quite the relief for me, as I'm so much smaller this pregnancy than last. I was worried she wasn't growing adequately, but all of her measurements yesterday were spot-on. And that was after a wicked 5 day stomach bug that left me begging for mercy!

19 weeks, 5 days

19.5 weeks with surrobabe on left, my son in 2010 on right

I am growing more accustomed to my body these days, and I'm able to accept the miracle that is happening without focusing on the widening of my hips and expanding love handles. It also helps that she has been so much more active lately. Feeling her so obviously is a lovely reminder of why all of this is happening. Since the stomach bug, her kicks are now palpable externally too! Her mom was even able to feel her at our ultrasound yesterday. :)

The intended mom started the process of inducing lactation. She is on high progesterone birth control for the next few months, along with a milk-producing drug (domperidone). She is already seeing results. I think she'll have a nice supply. Ironically, my boobs have gotten much fuller which did NOT happen with my son. I have insufficient glandular tissue, so I was unable to nurse (which was devastating). Supposedly, your body is able to make more milk each pregnancy. I think, due to all of the hormones early on, my boobs got the message. I doubt I'd ever have a full supply, but I'm pretty excited about the idea of pumping and donating whatever milk I can produce. It feels incredibly redemptive.

In other news, my cervix looked great on the ultrasound (I had a preterm labor scare at 31 weeks last pregnancy, so they have been keeping an eye on it). At this point, the baby is breech and posterior. They aren't at all worried right now since it's so early. That being said, I've started getting chiropractic care from the best chiropractor in the East Bay (Elizabeth Welch Golove at Sunflower Chiropractics). She already started using the Webster technique on me, and we'll continue to ensure that baby has all the room she needs in my pelvis to flip. I'm not at all worried right now, and I love the excuse to see Elizabeth regularly.

That's all for now!

16 weeks 3 Days

First of all, my belly is growing at a seemingly impossible pace! I noticed last week that I am much smaller this go around than I was with my son back in 2010.

16 weeks in 2010 on left, 15 weeks 2 days now on right

But then....oh then 16 weeks hit, and BOOM!

You guys, I am legitimately pregnant. I've even been feeling the baby move each day starting around 15 weeks! It's subtle, but it's definitely baby and not just gas (I have experience telling the two apart, trust me). I've noticed that the old wives tale about boys making you feel like a goddess and girls making you feel ugly is sadly proving true for me! I loved everything about my body when pregnant with my son, but this time, I'm having a harder time adjusting to the fact that I am getting wider and wider by the day (notice I didn't add any straight-on shots!). Of course I know that the fact that I am growing a human is a miracle, and I try to keep that in the front of my mind, but the body image issues do creep up.

Anyway...we are now officially set up at the birth center. It is GORGEOUS! I am praying that I deliver in between 37-42 weeks so I can deliver there. The vibe is just so chill. I love it. It's so different than traditional maternity care in this country. Instead of pathologizing pregnancy, they actually assume everything is healthy unless proven otherwise. That means no regular urine screens, no unnecessary ultrasounds, very limited blood work, and actual time spent with the midwife each visit to just talk about life. It's lovely.

One of two birth rooms

The intended parents and their son are coming over this Saturday. We're taking our kids bowling, and then we're going for a 3D ultrasound. We didn't have one with either of our kids, so I'm curious to experience that! I'm excited to see their son's reaction to seeing his sister for the first time too!

14 weeks 4 days

Houston, we've got a bump!

That happened fast! I feel like I woke up one morning, and there she was!

The last two weeks or so have seen a dramatic increase in nausea. I had a bit of morning sickness starting around 5 weeks, but I began using magnesium oil on my feet every morning, and it completely vanished. This new second trimester nausea just seems cruel! We have our first real appointment at the birth center tomorrow, and I will ask them to check my iron. I'm wondering if I'm becoming anemic, hence the nausea. We shall see.


That's all for now!

12 Weeks 3 Days

It feels like it's been so long since I posted, and, yet, here we are still in the first trimester! Since the last post, we had our first appointment at Kaiser (at 9 weeks 6 days) where we promptly decided we did not want to use Kaiser for future care. The appointment was just so quick, impersonal, and sterile. This was also, sadly, the first appointment that the intended father came to with us.  After the appointment, we all went out to breakfast and REALLY talked for the first time. It felt like the masks were off, and we were no longer trying to impress each other. We were able to be real and engage in personal conversations about issues we never would have broached with each other previously. It was so refreshing!

9.5 Weeks

Last week, we had our intake at the birth center. It just feels so right! It was actually pretty intense because there was a mom literally having a baby (loudly) in one of the rooms while we met with the midwife. It was a reminder of how this all ends! Anyway...the plan is to obtain all care from the birth center from here on out. Kaiser doesn't cover surrogacy pregnancies anyway, so it was going to get VERY expensive. The birth center (Pacifica) is much more affordable, patient-centered, less invasive, and overall warmer anyway. I feel great about it, and I think it'll make for a much easier birth experience. I won't be on a postpartum unit surrounded by moms and babies being woken up for checks and awkward questions from nurses/doctors who don't know our situation. I'll be able to just GO HOME after the birth (such a novel idea!). The birth center only suggests you stay for 4-6 hours postpartum. I think it'll be a win-win.

Lastly, we got the results of the genetic screening. We already knew that the embryo was female based on embryonic screens, but the intended mom was convinced that they had accidentally transferred a male. Well, not only did the genetics look good (very low-risk profile), but...

IT'S A GIRL!

8 weeks 3 days

Big news today. We were officially released from the fertility clinic, and I can stop all meds on Halloween (10 days from now). PHEW! I have been having some bleeding off and on, so I was a bit worried, but everything looks great. Bleeding is VERY common with frozen embryo transfers, as they plump up your uterine lining far beyond what it would naturally achieve on its own. The embryo has to burrow in deeper to reach the uterine wall resulting in some extra implantation bleeding. Also, the progesterone suppositories can cause bleeding as they have a tendency to aggravate the cervix. ANYWAY... I'll be having my intake appointment at Kaiser on Friday, and then we'll be touring the (Kaiser unaffiliated) birth center on November 5. Kaiser will do all of the lab work and ultrasounds, but the plan is to deliver at the birth center.

As far as symptoms go, I feel so incredibly fortunate that I have very few. I was having a bit of morning sickness several weeks back, but I began using Ancient Mineral's Magnesium Oil on my feet each morning, and it has literally vanished. I may have a brief wave of nausea every other day or so, but I am still in shock at how good I feel most days. It actually almost makes me nervous sometimes. I feel like perhaps I'm feeling TOO good. When I was pregnant with my son, I was completely naive, and I just assumed that once I was pregnant, I would naturally end up with a healthy baby in hand at the end of 40 weeks. This time around, I seem to worry constantly. I would imagine this is partly due to the high number of miscarriages that have happened to friends and family in my life since the birth of my son. It's magnified by the fact that this is not my baby, and so many financial resources have already  been put towards the development and growth of this embryo! That being said, seeing the sweet little gummy bear in the ultrasound was incredibly reassuring.

I'm also noticing a lot more body image issues this pregnancy. With my son, I loved every pound I gained. This time around, I was already up almost 10 lbs from the few cycles of fertility drugs leading up to the successful transfer. It's harder to accept the mushy delEstrogen-filled belly that looks like it should be 14 weeks instead of 8 weeks. I am VERY excited to have a legitimate bump and looking forward to the day when I no longer look chubby, just undeniably pregnant!