35.5 Weeks

Holy moly, we are getting close. I have to say, I am feeling large all of a sudden. Up until today, I've been feeling amazing, aside from heartburn. Today, for whatever reason, all of the third trimester caught up to me! I feel heavy, slow, achy, and emotional! That being said, it's been an eventful few weeks.

35+4

At our 32 week appointment, they thought baby girl might be breech. They did a vaginal exam and found her to be head down. They also noted that my cervix was firm, closed, and high. While this, technically, is great news, I have to admit I was a bit disappointed. I had started dilating at 31 weeks with my son, and I was sure I would at least be "ripe" or "soft". I had a LEEP procedure after the birth of my son, and I'm worried that scar tissue might make for a long labor. I shared this fear with the midwives, and they assured me they could massage it out during labor if it seemed to be stalling things (sounds super fun).

Then, at 33.5 weeks, the intended mom and I went to see Wicked in San Francisco. I've seen it in NY, Philly, and SF previously, but this was hands down the best production of any show I've ever seen. Maybe it was all of the pregnancy hormones, but I was so touched by it all (and experiencing it with her!).

At our 34 week appointment, we met the last midwife on the panel we hadn't yet met. She was AMAZING! She had used a surrogate with her son, and she just gets it. It was so validating to have the appointment with her. I know the intended mom felt more supported than she has throughout our experience at the birth center. We are both desperately hoping that this is the midwife who is on call when I go into labor. Speaking of labor, due to the probability that I'll go into labor in the middle of the night, and our lack of reliable middle-of-the-night support, the IM will be picking me up and taking me to the birth center. My partner, Jen, will join us once she can get our kids set up with care. I don't love not having Jen there the entire time, but at least we have a plan. I'm pretty sure my IM would love to deliver this baby in her car, so she's all for the idea. ;)

Lastly, I went to a blessingway for the IM this past Sunday. Sadly, I don't have any pictures, but it was beautiful. We started it off by having her tell her story of how she got to the point of considering surrogacy. It was really cathartic for her to have her entire experience heard and held by her closest friends and family. We made bead blessing chains for her and for me, with each person sharing a blessing before adding a hand-picked bead to the chain, and then we made a nature mandala for the baby in her backyard. The whole thing was so intimate and personal. I loved it! That's all for now!

32.5 Weeks

I can't believe how close we're getting! I'm suddenly thinking about things like packing a bag for the birth center and ordering a pump. Both the IM and I have a feeling that this baby girl is going to make an early entrance. My guess is somewhere between 36-37 weeks. Having said that, watch her be late!

Things are going very well. I've had a bit of heartburn (mostly chocolate-induced), but otherwise, I'm feeling great. The Braxton Hicks are still often. She keeps flipping between face up and face down. When she's face up, the Braxton Hicks can send pain down my right leg. I've been getting regular chiropractic adjustments, though. The chiropractor can get her to flip face down in the office, so I'm feeling pretty great about our decision to have her present at the birth! As much fun as a posterior labor was with my son, I'd be fine not doing that again. ;)

8 weeks vs 32 weeks

32 weeks 4 days

29 Weeks and Some Real Talk

I'm about a week late on this one, but we're officially into the third trimester! I am definitely feeling pregnant these days. My lower back is sore by the end of the night, and I've developed restless legs in the evenings. I've never experienced that before, and it makes it so challenging to fall asleep! The Braxton Hicks are far more noticeable, and baby girl's movements are loud and proud! She's head down and seems to prefer to have her bum on the right side of my belly. I still cannot get enough of feeling her move. In the evenings, I just lift my shirt up, put my hands on my belly, and lay on the couch as my partner and I catch up. It's so incredible to me that there's a HUMAN in my body.

This pregnancy has been so redemptive on so many levels for me. Between an abortion in high school and being physically checked out of my body for much of my pregnancy with my son, I am really loving BEING in my body this time around. Sure, I'm more aware of some of the minor aches and pains, but I'm also more present with the movement, the growth, and the wonder. I would be lying if I said I don't occasionally think about fast forwarding to the end and the "hand off", but overall, I am very aware of the miracle that is happening every day inside me. It's been incredibly healing on a deep level in ways I didn't even know needed healing. That being said, my goal is to carry this mindfulness and presence into the birth- something I definitely didn't do last time. While I achieved an unmedicated rather quick (6 hours) birth in 2010, I certainly wasn't IN my body for the process. I'm a bit concerned that staying present will mean more awareness of the pain and intensity as well, but I feel there is so much more additional healing that will come from that. I know I'll be surrounded by a phenomenal support team (my partner, the IPs, my chiropractor/close friend), and I trust that we will all be able to hold the space together. I've already talked with the IM about helping me stay grounded and present during the labor. While slightly anxious, I'm also incredibly excited to truly experience labor and birth, especially within this context of surrogacy. You better believe I'll be posting a (more than likely) lengthy and raw birth story when the time comes.

29 weeks

26.5 Weeks

Not much to report here! I'm generally feeling awesome, and just oh-so-grateful for how "easy" this pregnancy has been. I couldn't have asked for a better journey. I finally bit the bullet and joined the local YMCA, so I've been swimming the last few weeks. It feels AH-MAAAAA-ZING! I'll spare you the picture of me in a bathing suit, but Jen did purchase me a precious maternity suit for our anniversary on 2/21.

I do feel like baby girl is finally catching up with her growing! I just keep getting bigger; I actually love it. 

25 weeks

26 weeks

It's just so frigging cool

26.5 weeks

Viability

Baby girl is officially viable at 24 weeks! Granted, we still don't want her to be born for another 12-16 weeks, but she is viable. I've been doubting my body a bit after my 31 week preterm labor scare with my son. I notice every twinge and cramp. I've been told by high-risk perinatologists that I am at no additional risk for another preterm scare, as my son wound up coming on his due date. That being said, it's hard not to second-guess my body. I feel like I turned a corner this weekend, though, and have finally begun trusting that my body knows what the f it's doing with this whole pregnancy thing. ;)

Baby Girl M (IPs are still not sure about a name) is doing well. She is generally not incredibly active during the day, just little movements here and there to let me know she's ok. I feel her the most while commuting to and from work, when I'm putting the kids to bed, and when we're just relaxing on the couch. I'm still getting weekly chiropractic adjustments to ensure my pelvis is in good shape and to avoid another OP baby (baby born face up instead of down).

The first 20 weeks of this pregnancy absolutely flew by, but things are starting to slow down now. There's a lot going on in my life unrelated to this pregnancy, and it feels like there are just so many balls in the air! I'm trying to enjoy each moment, though, knowing that this is my last pregnancy.

My partner asked if I was upset that she wasn't interested in attending appointments/feeling the baby move. I'm sincerely not. I understand that this is not our child. I just find myself so fascinated with it all because I am literally growing a human. Pregnancy and childbirth have always been such miracles to me. Every time I have my hands on my belly, and I feel her move, it takes my breath away. The fact that there is an actual human in there just blows my mind. And I can say that feeling completely detached to her emotionally. It's no joke that surrogacy just feels different from the get-go. There's this understanding that this baby is not yours from the very start. Every time I feel her or think of the pregnancy, I see her mom. I'm not worried about going home without her at the birth, because I don't see it as giving her up, as she was never mine! I'm merely giving her back.

Officially 20 Weeks

Half Baked at 20 Weeks

This weekend marked 20 weeks! It also marked the first time I met the Intended Parents' extended family and friends. We attended their son's fifth birthday party on Sunday. I met the IM's mom, the IP's parents and brothers, nephews, and neighbors. It was actually a bit overwhelming, and the first time I felt awkward during this process. It was great to put faces to names, but the attention was a little uncomfortable. Plus, I felt like my little family was on display all day. That being said, they were all wonderful, and certainly didn't make me feel judged. Quite the opposite. Everyone was gushing about how wonderful of a blessing this is and expressing their gratitude. It was just an interesting place to be in and new energy to hold.

Me and the Intended Mom

Whoa! We're halfway there!

I can't believe that tomorrow I'll be 20 weeks and almost halfway through this journey. On one hand, the time is going so much faster than it did when I was pregnant with my son. On the other hand, when I think about the fact that the transfer was in September, that feels like AGES ago. But here we are!

Two weeks ago, the IPs wanted to get a 3D ultrasound done. It was pretty crazy. I'd never seen one first hand. I brought my son, and they brought their son, and the boys were surprisingly into the whole thing. My son was incredibly sad when I told him yesterday that I was going for the 20 week ultrasound without him.

Everything looks good with baby girl, which is quite the relief for me, as I'm so much smaller this pregnancy than last. I was worried she wasn't growing adequately, but all of her measurements yesterday were spot-on. And that was after a wicked 5 day stomach bug that left me begging for mercy!

19 weeks, 5 days

19.5 weeks with surrobabe on left, my son in 2010 on right

I am growing more accustomed to my body these days, and I'm able to accept the miracle that is happening without focusing on the widening of my hips and expanding love handles. It also helps that she has been so much more active lately. Feeling her so obviously is a lovely reminder of why all of this is happening. Since the stomach bug, her kicks are now palpable externally too! Her mom was even able to feel her at our ultrasound yesterday. :)

The intended mom started the process of inducing lactation. She is on high progesterone birth control for the next few months, along with a milk-producing drug (domperidone). She is already seeing results. I think she'll have a nice supply. Ironically, my boobs have gotten much fuller which did NOT happen with my son. I have insufficient glandular tissue, so I was unable to nurse (which was devastating). Supposedly, your body is able to make more milk each pregnancy. I think, due to all of the hormones early on, my boobs got the message. I doubt I'd ever have a full supply, but I'm pretty excited about the idea of pumping and donating whatever milk I can produce. It feels incredibly redemptive.

In other news, my cervix looked great on the ultrasound (I had a preterm labor scare at 31 weeks last pregnancy, so they have been keeping an eye on it). At this point, the baby is breech and posterior. They aren't at all worried right now since it's so early. That being said, I've started getting chiropractic care from the best chiropractor in the East Bay (Elizabeth Welch Golove at Sunflower Chiropractics). She already started using the Webster technique on me, and we'll continue to ensure that baby has all the room she needs in my pelvis to flip. I'm not at all worried right now, and I love the excuse to see Elizabeth regularly.

That's all for now!